HOW NASR HUSAMI GOT PISSED, GOT WILD, AND GOT A LIFE

Like all other days, today was not normal; It was way more than crazy. There were two incidents that happened that beautifully sums up the ridiculous. It’s got to do with the traffic clogger, The APSRTC BUS.

The morning was very fine, me in an upbeat mood riding my bike; till I came across this traffic stop. I stop myself near the left of this bus, a bus with relatively few people inside; waiting for the signal to turn green.

How would I have had ever realized that the craziness would take its roots then. On the green, I race my bike to get a move on, on my side of the road. I picked some speed and had gotten a little far. It was then that through the corner of my eye, I see someone jump on me. By some stroke of luck, my reflexes were not screwed up. I swerved, no idea where. Before I realized what had happened, I was on the pavement licking somebody’s foot. My slain bike was adding to the charm of the roadside stall. The culprit was squatted on the road trying to figure out as to what sort of lightning hit him. As I got up I recollected the scene in the movie “The Pursuit of Happyness “with the dialogues " Hey, ass****" , " Are you alright , ass****" . The dolt returned the favor of my courtesy by jumping on my bike, grabbing the keys and confronting me, looking down on my face.

Anybody with a wild imagination would guess what had happened. The brainless monkey had the nerve to jump from a running bus without even pausing a moment and thinking where he was gonna land. And now he had the audacity to confront me and hold me at fault. I was pissed; I did get a life (of course, you would not have been reading this otherwise). Both of us, including the bike were miraculously alright. Now I did something which I never did before to a stranger...I got wild. (l guess some unpleasant things in life happen for the first time without an invitation ). Confronted; I held him by his collar, my helmet held in an attacking mode, and shot out some lingo abuse.(yes, its censored here)..Well, he was equally competent. It wasn’t until the crowd that had gathered there( probably, to get their share of fun ) interrupted and made him realize his folly through more abuses; he returned my keys.

Another crazy incident happened as I was returning home the same day. It was to do with another idiot from the bus. Now this bald gherkin could not control his urge to spit his 'paan'. As he could not do this favor on the other baldy sitting opposite him or on the lady next to him, he spits outside. You need no prizes for guessing where the yuck falls. Yours truly was at the butt of another joke.

I was madly pissed, I was wild and I wanted to get a life, away from the crazy road and the buses. I decide to counter this stupidity through my Machine named 'TAME THE MONKEY'. Here is roughly how it should work.

1. All buses should have spittometers attached to the window frame. As soon as the dolt spits, the processor based system should pass an electric signal to the electrodes beneath his bus seat; the moment he commits the folly, the butts would bear the brunt of his urge.

2. All buses should have a robotic hand near the door. The moment a dolt tries to jump like a monkey and commit a suicide, it should grab him from mid air, push him inside the bus and give him a sound thrashing.

The whole thing may sound ridiculous but it’s actually possible. We already have the technology and the ability to do it. It’s just that nobody gave a thought about it yet, until I was graced by the jumping jack and the wet paan. We can patent it. Anybody interested can get in touch with me and I’ll pay for the project. (Don’t you people feel better already?)

So, till the project is taken up and completed, I would pass a request to the government of Andhra Pradesh to paint every side of the APSRTC bus with the sign "Keep Distance --Loonies Inside"

(You all let me know if you need any clarification. It is 1:45 in the night and I typed this whole thing with a hazy mind. I initially wanted to make a figure for the machine, but I am too sleepy to do it....yawn......yaaaaawwwnnnn......damn you buses!!!)